Well...I almost don't even know how to start this blog out. I have so many things to be grateful for lately. In a weird twist...yeah. I have had an incredible month of February already. It's only 10 days into it and I feel like it's already time for it to be March. Ha could possibly be due to the fact that stupid Valentine's Day is almost upon us. I am grateful for that holiday so I can share it with all my single friends and keep everyone happy who might be down in the dumps cuz they are alone. I, personally, would rather be alone than the way I spent the last 3 V-Days...the last one I was trapped inside my own heart about the person I loved more than anything, and the two prior to that I was with my ex-fiance. Managed to pay for dinner both years too. So yeah...I'd rather be sitting here twiddling my thumbs listening to my iTunes than repeat one of those. SO I am grateful for that. I don't have to deal with relationship drama, or worry about what's going to happen, or what I am going to get him or vice versa. No worries, no drama...I'd say that's a great thing to be grateful for. I think as a girl I am allowed to say that I'd rather it just hurry and pass though. :)
Even though I have been here for almost 6 months plugging away at the dream career of mine, and have had numerous debacles, setbacks and disappointments, I am still here, still ecstatic to live here, still overjoyed with the people I have met and the friends I have made. I am grateful for every single person I have met down here. I have met some incredible people in the business, some amazing people who believe in me and want to help me achieve my goals, and some awesome friends that I think I will have for the rest of my life. I was *this* close to being hired for an incredible position at an incredible company, and for reasons beyond my control, they chose someone over me. I was in the top running though. I believe if that one person hadn't applied for the job, it would have been mine. Oddly enough, I am okay with it. I felt like that was the job for me, but obviously it wasn't. The one that I am meant to have still hasn't opened up yet, and that is the job that will take me to where I want to be career-wise. I know that. I have been working for some incredible people since I moved here. Granted, the first 3 1/2 months was interning so I wasn't getting paid, but I learned a lot and they love me there. They also believe in me, and appreciate the work I do for them. I did start getting paid at the beginning of the year to be working part time for them, and I go in and work for free when I can, just because I love it so much. I do get to learn about artist & tour managing, how to run music promotion, how to be a striving artist making it in the big world of music. It's awesome.I couldn't be more grateful for these people. They also give me a bit of consistency in my life, which I need. I haven't been able to lock down a routine of any kind since I have been here and this job has helped tremendously. I just love it. I have had a feeling about them since I got here that I cannot leave them. Something is going to come out of working with them..I just feel it. Maybe that is why I haven't gotten a job within a larger label, a larger company. Who knows...whatever the reason...I am happy to be there. AND as if I even needed a really really awesome reason to add to all this, the music I have been introduced to is outstanding!! The artists I had never heard of, or had heard of and never listened to, I have found that I love! Lyrically, musically, all the way around.
The road to success is never easy, and if you know me, I somehow always choose the tough trail to get to my destination. I have found in the past few years that I become a better person by taking the path less traveled. I learn how to deal with issues that are not ideal, I gain strength to overcome obstacles that perhaps I once could not attempt. I see things in a different light and can step back with a neutral perspective a lot easier now. Without taking the harder route...I may not have learned the lessons I needed to learn. If I hadn't learned those, grown the way I did, perhaps I would not be where I am now. Who knows where my life could have gone...if I had taken the easy route? I am grateful for all the obstacles...the hardships..the disappointments. The heartbreaks, the failures, all of it. There are no mistakes in life, as long as you learn how to fix them and make things right.
Every time I have taken that harder path, I have always had my mother there with me. She and I have had our issues throughout our lives, but the past few years...like past five years...we have really become a great pair. Great friends...I can talk to her about anything and she can do the same with me. We can vent, we can experience happiness, we can be each other's rock when we need someone to back us up, we can just be there for each other. I really thank the universe every day for giving me the mother I got. Even through the tough times, when I treated her like crap and we both were under a lot of stress and taking it out on each other, we both learned a lot. I would never have learned those things and be the smart adult I am now without going through those battles with her. I don't think I would appreciate her as much either. Knowing now what I did not know then...I appreciate her and everything she has ever done for me. I know that because of her I will achieve every dream and goal I could ever have for myself. Once my career dreams are achieved, that dream of being a mommy and wife will happen. And I will have the kind of husband that I deserve...and I will be the best mom ever. Because I learned from one of the best. I can't wait for the day that I marry the man of my dreams (whoever that may be) and have my own kiddos running around. Family is very important in my life, and I owe that to my momma. You can go through friends, jobs, boyfriends, girlfriends...but you always have your family.
I almost feel like this blog is seriously similar to the one before it, yet the thoughts and feelings that I have writing it are completely different.
I have also been writing this while doing a multitude of other things...so I haven't been fully focused on it. I am going to just leave it as it is now...because I don't know where I want to go from here. I do know that I am still grateful for everything that has happened to me since I have been here in L.A. and I know the things I want in my life to make me happy will come when they are supposed to. The career, the love, the family...all that. When the time is right. And I am so excited for the journey...
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