It's not as consistant as it once was...

I used to do these every night...I wonder if that could be part of my issues I was having. Obviously, things are going MUCH better than they were when I quit writing these every night. Funny..when I started talking to that guy who lives in Spokane...that's about the time things started to go downhill. Shortly afterwards I got into a car accident, didn't get the job I was so sure I was going to get, among other things. SO many things hit the shitter after I was talking to him. Then, amazingly enough, the moment I decided to quit talking to him, *wham* things started getting better. Instantly. I should've just stuck with the things that treated me good...made me feel good. Anyway...things are definitely in a better state of living now. I have a great job working part time for the company I was interning at. Actually getting paid for my work now..WHOOHOO! Learning how to be a tour manager and getting that part of my career going. I 100% want to be a tour manager...live life on the road...be busy 19 hours of every day...working on days I am not on the road...planning for the next road adventure. I know working for this artist & company is going to get me where I want to be career-wise. I came down here to pursue a job in the biz, but I had no idea what exactly that job was. I knew I just wanted to be in it. Now...I know what I want to do. For a fact. It will take some learning and hard work, but I will get there. By the end of this year, 2010, I will be a full on tour manager and a successful one at that. Not many women are tour managers nowadays, but I will be one. And one of the best. I said LONG ago...I won't be famous...but artists will know my name and when they hear someone works with me...others will say "dang...you got Phaedra to be your manager. how'd ya do it?" yeah...I'm gonna be THAT good at my job. All because I love what I do...what I am going to do...who I work with...where I live...the people I get to meet. I meet new people all the time and some of them are ones that are great contacts and networking people, others are great new friends. All of them I am grateful for being able to meet and stay in touch with. They are all a part of my success down here. Even the friends that I don't talk to much...are all so wonderful and I am glad I have them.
I have been trying to lay low lately...stick to the job hunt really hard...not party and go out too much. I do need to go out and about and meet more people..go to more events that my new friends have..and I really am going to try to do that. Every once in a while I can allow myself to go out and really let loose, but mostly I want to go out, meet people, STAY SOBER and leave a good impression that will contribute to my future success. Yes...that is what I want to do. And I will do it.
One of my good friends, Maire, moved back to Boise recently and she was a good friend that I am glad I met here. I am very sad she is gone...but having her as a friend is still here. :) AND she quit her job, which left an opening that I can fill. At a tanning salon..which will help me in SO many ways. I will have a job, a paycheck, be able to be flexible and stay at my t.m. assistant job, and I will get a tan! Whoa...what could be better than that? Ooooh maybe being a manager at the salon. That is a possibility, and that would be ideal ideal ideal. I will be able to have a consistent life, be financially stable, be learning and growing in my career dreams...and throughout all that, be able to join a gym, get fit and afford to eat healthy and learn how to cook..so my confidence will go up...and I will be all around a happier person. Not that I am not a happy person now. I am incredibly happy with my life and everything, everyone, in it. I just know that with a job and a healthy body & lifestyle...I would have no reason to be unhappy. Ever.
Although...the factor of love could possibly be a cause of unhappiness...if I let it. I know I am madly, 100% in love with one man. He knows it. I think a lot of people know it. I am pretty sure he is just as in love with me as I am with him...but unfortunately...the timing is off. It has been off our whole lives...well...while we have known each other. I don't know what will happen in the end with us, but I can hope fate will put us together where we need to be. If not, well, I know fate will have someone else in mind for both of us. And that would be okay. Not really what I am looking forward to, but I can't be disappointed if it doesn't work out. I can only be happy with what we have now, which is an incredible friendship that has no expectations..which leaves no room for disappointment. We can enjoy each other's conversation, our love and random visits with each other. However long those last...a season, a lifetime, forever or a year...is fine with me. I would love it if we could be together though. I really would. I think I honestly would be THE happiest person on the planet if he & I could be together...and my career dreams turn out the way I plan...and I am a healthy, fit person. That would be like a full on fairy tale dream come true. Really..it would. I am grateful for the feelings he gives me...just for him...to be in my life. So grateful.

Until the time passes and that dream comes true...I am happy to be happy with what I have. My friends, back home and here...I feel the love & support all the time. JoDee...oh my JoDee. I will be forever in debt to you. The things you have helped me with since I have been here...I can't even describe my gratitude. I am definitely going to have to hook you up with cool shit when I achieve that dream of mine.

I am grateful to be living down here...with the rain, hail and slight flooding...scary and crazy but still so happy to be here. I am so glad to be here. I just love it here. I would love it if that guy I love so much would move here and live here with me...then we could be in beautiful sunshine...OOOH wouldn't it be cool if we could live here and in Idaho? Then we could go back and forth..him with his traveling physical therapist job and me with my tour manager job? OH that sounds almost perfect. Here during the winter...there during the summer. NICE NICE NICE.

I am grateful to have my car & my computer. It's nice to have the case for the comp and be able to take it with me wherever I go. I would like to know how to use my phone as a modem though...then I could use it anywhere. Whoooa how cool would I be. haha.

I really am most grateful for everyone and everything in my life. It's pretty much all the way around rad. I am so excited for what 2010 has in store for me. I got the feeling its gonna be my best year ever. Eva eva...
I guess this wasn't a typical blog for what I am grateful for, but it sure felt good to get it all out. To think about the things in my life that are just amazing. Recently...the things that have happened are what came to mind...even though I am grateful for so much more. Seems like lately when I start writing, or typing, it all just comes out. I can't even stop the words. I like it. Maybe I should try to do a blog once a week or so...gives me more to talk about and more that needs to get outta my system. That's kinda cool.

*Author's note - I actually learned a few more pieces to the tour manager dream and depending on who I would work for - I may or may not want to be that. I have a great opportunity I am waiting to hear back on, and if it works out like I think it will, I won't be managing bands. I will be blissfully busy and doing what I am good at.* 

Wholy Heckin A - it's been almost 2 months!!

Been almost two months since my last post? That is sad. I guess it's cuz my computer was in the shop for a good month and a half. No excuse still...but it's time to get back into action. The past couple of months have had quite a few turns and up and downs. I definitely am ready for what 2010 has for me. It's gonna be a great year. I know it. I came to L.A. in September to achieve my career goals and dreams, and by golly, that is what I am going to do. It is time for me to get back into the habit of the way I was when I got here. The momentum was incredible and when I got into the car accident, the momentum slowed. The Law of Attraction and the positive flow of energy is back! YeahYeahYeah!

So! Here we go!

I have so many different things I am grateful for. My family...oh my wonderful family. I had 3 weeks home with them over the holidays, and I just LOVE my family. My mom, my sister, my brother, my wonderful magnificent niece Emma...all of my family is just incredible. I am so blessed to have the love & support of them.

My internship turned into a job! I am so grateful to be connected with them! I love the people I work with, and they have been leading me in the right direction! I am getting experience that is so valuable. I have been working with them for about 4 months and the things that are coming up in the next couple months are going to be just awesome. Whoo!

My friends. The friends I have down here are just great. My JoDee...my roomies. Maire..even though she is moving back to Boise. The new friends I have made even since being back from the holiday vacay. I feel so lucky to have the friends in my life...

My friends back home are something to be counted as well. I was only able to see a handful of friends while I was there, and the ones I didn't get to see I feel sad I missed. The short period of time I got to spend with the few friends I did, well, that was all something I needed. I needed that love & support from those who will be my friends forever. I did miss some other "forever" friends, and I am sorry to you. Next time the vehicle situation will be better. :)

I am 100% grateful that I live in California. I am so glad I moved here! The weather, the smoggy air, the busy backed up traffic. All of it. It's just amazing. I feel like such a different person being able to thrive in the world down here. I am able to accomplish my dreams and not be in a snow or brrrr cold environment. :) Yay for sunshine!

I am so so so so so grateful to have my computer and my car back. The moment I got back into Cali from my vacation things started to go in the direction I want them to. I got my car back the very next morning, I got my computer back within 3 days after being back.

I really am grateful for the job opportunities that have opened up as well. They are slow but they are happening. Times are tough, but I am tougher. If the past few months were hard to get by, soon enough the struggle and effort is going to pay off. I will be a busy bee again. Working a lot, staying busy. Being happy. So great to be the type of person who would rather be busy every day of the week, working as much as possible. I like being busy. Having nothing to do is boring. It's so easy to get distracted when you have nothing to focus on. :) Yay for the times-a-changing.

I am grateful for my health, my strength and the path of fitness & healthy lifestyle that 2010 is going to bring for me.

I am SO incredibly grateful that my mother suggested the Agape Spiritual Center. for me to attend. I haven't gone every Sunday but I have gone as often as I can. I want to make it an every Sunday thing for me. Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith has great wisdom and energy. It's amazing. Using the Law of Attraction is something that everyone can do if they put their mind to it, and I know have the ability to use my words to my benefit. I rarely allow a negative word or phrase come out of my mouth. The learning and growth that I can go through just by attending Agape is outstanding.

Hmmm I am grateful for every moment of every day. I am grateful to have the comfort and peace in my room in my house. I am grateful to have the humor and fun attitude with so many things. I am grateful to have the passion and the energy to achieve greatness whatever I do. I am grateful to have people believe in me. I am grateful for every person I have met down here that has led me in the direction I am meant to go in. I am grateful for the wonderful clothes & shoes my mom bought me. They are cute, classy and fashionable. I am grateful for my sense of "Cali" style to start progressing. I am grateful for pretty much everything...everything in my life. Life is Good...just like the company says. Life is Good.