I used to do these every night...I wonder if that could be part of my issues I was having. Obviously, things are going MUCH better than they were when I quit writing these every night. Funny..when I started talking to that guy who lives in Spokane...that's about the time things started to go downhill. Shortly afterwards I got into a car accident, didn't get the job I was so sure I was going to get, among other things. SO many things hit the shitter after I was talking to him. Then, amazingly enough, the moment I decided to quit talking to him, *wham* things started getting better. Instantly. I should've just stuck with the things that treated me good...made me feel good. Anyway...things are definitely in a better state of living now. I have a great job working part time for the company I was interning at. Actually getting paid for my work now..WHOOHOO! Learning how to be a tour manager and getting that part of my career going. I 100% want to be a tour manager...live life on the road...be busy 19 hours of every day...working on days I am not on the road...planning for the next road adventure. I know working for this artist & company is going to get me where I want to be career-wise. I came down here to pursue a job in the biz, but I had no idea what exactly that job was. I knew I just wanted to be in it. Now...I know what I want to do. For a fact. It will take some learning and hard work, but I will get there. By the end of this year, 2010, I will be a full on tour manager and a successful one at that. Not many women are tour managers nowadays, but I will be one. And one of the best. I said LONG ago...I won't be famous...but artists will know my name and when they hear someone works with me...others will say "dang...you got Phaedra to be your manager. how'd ya do it?" yeah...I'm gonna be THAT good at my job. All because I love what I do...what I am going to do...who I work with...where I live...the people I get to meet. I meet new people all the time and some of them are ones that are great contacts and networking people, others are great new friends. All of them I am grateful for being able to meet and stay in touch with. They are all a part of my success down here. Even the friends that I don't talk to much...are all so wonderful and I am glad I have them.
I have been trying to lay low lately...stick to the job hunt really hard...not party and go out too much. I do need to go out and about and meet more people..go to more events that my new friends have..and I really am going to try to do that. Every once in a while I can allow myself to go out and really let loose, but mostly I want to go out, meet people, STAY SOBER and leave a good impression that will contribute to my future success. Yes...that is what I want to do. And I will do it.
One of my good friends, Maire, moved back to Boise recently and she was a good friend that I am glad I met here. I am very sad she is gone...but having her as a friend is still here. :) AND she quit her job, which left an opening that I can fill. At a tanning salon..which will help me in SO many ways. I will have a job, a paycheck, be able to be flexible and stay at my t.m. assistant job, and I will get a tan! Whoa...what could be better than that? Ooooh maybe being a manager at the salon. That is a possibility, and that would be ideal ideal ideal. I will be able to have a consistent life, be financially stable, be learning and growing in my career dreams...and throughout all that, be able to join a gym, get fit and afford to eat healthy and learn how to cook..so my confidence will go up...and I will be all around a happier person. Not that I am not a happy person now. I am incredibly happy with my life and everything, everyone, in it. I just know that with a job and a healthy body & lifestyle...I would have no reason to be unhappy. Ever.
Although...the factor of love could possibly be a cause of unhappiness...if I let it. I know I am madly, 100% in love with one man. He knows it. I think a lot of people know it. I am pretty sure he is just as in love with me as I am with him...but unfortunately...the timing is off. It has been off our whole lives...well...while we have known each other. I don't know what will happen in the end with us, but I can hope fate will put us together where we need to be. If not, well, I know fate will have someone else in mind for both of us. And that would be okay. Not really what I am looking forward to, but I can't be disappointed if it doesn't work out. I can only be happy with what we have now, which is an incredible friendship that has no expectations..which leaves no room for disappointment. We can enjoy each other's conversation, our love and random visits with each other. However long those last...a season, a lifetime, forever or a year...is fine with me. I would love it if we could be together though. I really would. I think I honestly would be THE happiest person on the planet if he & I could be together...and my career dreams turn out the way I plan...and I am a healthy, fit person. That would be like a full on fairy tale dream come true. Really..it would. I am grateful for the feelings he gives me...just for him...to be in my life. So grateful.
Until the time passes and that dream comes true...I am happy to be happy with what I have. My friends, back home and here...I feel the love & support all the time. JoDee...oh my JoDee. I will be forever in debt to you. The things you have helped me with since I have been here...I can't even describe my gratitude. I am definitely going to have to hook you up with cool shit when I achieve that dream of mine.
I am grateful to be living down here...with the rain, hail and slight flooding...scary and crazy but still so happy to be here. I am so glad to be here. I just love it here. I would love it if that guy I love so much would move here and live here with me...then we could be in beautiful sunshine...OOOH wouldn't it be cool if we could live here and in Idaho? Then we could go back and forth..him with his traveling physical therapist job and me with my tour manager job? OH that sounds almost perfect. Here during the winter...there during the summer. NICE NICE NICE.
I am grateful to have my car & my computer. It's nice to have the case for the comp and be able to take it with me wherever I go. I would like to know how to use my phone as a modem though...then I could use it anywhere. Whoooa how cool would I be. haha.
I really am most grateful for everyone and everything in my life. It's pretty much all the way around rad. I am so excited for what 2010 has in store for me. I got the feeling its gonna be my best year ever. Eva eva...
I guess this wasn't a typical blog for what I am grateful for, but it sure felt good to get it all out. To think about the things in my life that are just amazing. Recently...the things that have happened are what came to mind...even though I am grateful for so much more. Seems like lately when I start writing, or typing, it all just comes out. I can't even stop the words. I like it. Maybe I should try to do a blog once a week or so...gives me more to talk about and more that needs to get outta my system. That's kinda cool.
*Author's note - I actually learned a few more pieces to the tour manager dream and depending on who I would work for - I may or may not want to be that. I have a great opportunity I am waiting to hear back on, and if it works out like I think it will, I won't be managing bands. I will be blissfully busy and doing what I am good at.*
This is a good idea. Some of my church friends were doing an abbreviated form of this on facebook around Thanksgiving a couple of months ago.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes forget to be grateful for what I have and instead look at the stuff I DON'T have that I want. Sets me up every time to sit around and brood.