**Author's Note (: I realize now this blog has become a blend of my "10 things I am Grateful For" and "My Own Words" blog. Pouring my soul out as well as seeing the wonderful things in every day life to be happy about. Not the typical style like I had last year, but works just a great still the same.**
This time of year, weekend, day, whatever the eff it is, has always been an interesting one. I'll never forget back in high school walking out to my car for lunch and seeing my brother and baby sister walking IN to my school. I was shocked to see them, and they claimed they just came to say hi. I went on my way and didn't think anything of it. Later that week, I received three roses and love notes from the school Valentine's Day service. I still have the notes actually. One from my baby sister, who, if I remember correctly, was maybe about 3 or 4 years old. All she could write were smiley faces, X&O's, misshapen hearts, and stars. One from my brother, simply saying "Hope you have a good day." Last of all, one from my mom's boyfriend. My brother obviously wrote that one out from him. Yes, none of them were from someone with a romantic love for me. No, it did not matter to me .Yes, it made my day. I had previously mentioned to my family how sad I was that I never had been given a Valentine at school. Except the mandatory elementary school ones, where everyone gets one. Haha. All I know is that the people who really are most important to me showed how important I was to them. The biggest thing to them was making me feel better on the day of love. So again, it's obvious why I am so grateful for my family. Oddly enough, my mom, sister and that brother have helped me so incredibly much since I have been on this recent journey...it's hard to express my sincere appreciation and gratitude for them. I am a blessed and lucky person to have the family I do. My family isn't perfect, not in the slightest, but I wouldn't ask for anything different.
Besides that Valentine's Day, I have only had 2 other years that I celebrated with someone .Last year, I was dealing with a confused mind & a hurt heart...wishing the person I loved more than anything loved me enough to fix things and be mine for that day. It didn't happen. The two years before that, I was with the guy that I was, at one time, engaged to. Let me say, without a doubt in my mind, I would rather be single and sobbing into a quart of ice cream and a box of Oreo's watching a romantic film alone that experience either one of those two Valentine's Day again. The first one I paid for dinner, which he picked where we went. AFTER I spent a lot of money on things for the apartment we lived in together. What a fuckin first "love day" celebration. The second one with him was spent with his daughter and his family in Tri-Cities, and I had to convince him into going out on a date. Smart man he was, he didn't make a reservation anywhere and we drove around for over an hour looking for a place to eat. He freaked out and ruined the mood completely, and finally we ate at a diner and went to a movie. After we actually got to the dinner part, the night was okay. There was not much love though. I saw it and I knew it...but somehow I let the full mind block the empty heart. After the past 3 years of painfully unexciting and lack of love during this holiday, I really was excited to have a year of no drama, no debacles, and no empty heart. I should have known that having my first Valentine's Day in California would be different than any other I have had. Every other holiday I have had here has been different and memorable. Why would this one be any different? To make it perfectly clear and extremely vague at the same time, and on purpose, this was an amazingly incredible weekend for me. Actually, the whole month of February has been fantastic. But for this holiday, it reminded me of a few things. A lot of reasons to be grateful, as a matter of fact. I am grateful to have had those crappy effin experiences to be able to appreciate and be happy with being single on this day.
Also, it makes me appreciate the ones I do love and care for. There shouldn't be just ONE day where you shower your loved ones with affection and sentimental bull crap. If you love someone, or care about them, you should show it whenever you can. Yes, the extra "special" marketing items are cute, but I actually think it would be more special to have a sentimental day/night with someone who loves me on a regular day. I would feel like he actually wanted to do that, not because the day was meant for it. Like he had to. Love is something to be proud of, to keep close and to make known to those who are in your heart. Geeze...I said earlier today that when I start writing/typing/blogging, the words just flow out. I feel like I am just rambling now. I just know that love is something to be grateful for, whether it is in a romantic fashion or just with your family & friends. You never know when you will see someone again, and you would never want to take the chance of never seeing them again and having them not know how you feel.
Along with all the overrated love thoughts happening this weekend, I will admit I am so grateful for the people in my life. Again with this one, I know. It's just I would not be where I am, so close to my career goals, without these people in my life. The ones that are professionally pushing me to get there, the friends that keep my energy and spirits high, the people that just simply make me laugh or put a smile on my face. Surrounding myself with people that make me feel good keeps my positive energy and thoughts going strong. With those going strong, I get where I want to be. Every time. I have had a lot of great things come up the past month, even the past week. Work-wise, friend-wise, financially, and a few other ways.
I am consistently appreciative and grateful for my job. Now I have two jobs, and I love them both. I have been with my music job since I moved here, and gosh I love those people. No matter what, even when I get a job at WBR, I still want to work for my current music job. They are awesome people, they are fun, they are nice, they know how to get the job done in the way to be a success. They also know how to show their appreciation to me, and that is just like a repetitive cycle for us. I love working for them, even if I am doing it on my days off for free. It's fun, it's experience, and it's with people that have good, positive energy. Good people. My job at the tanning salon is great, it's fun, I get to be tan (and it's obvious how much I enjoy being tan), and I get to have a job, get a paycheck, and be busy. Be working. I get to clean, which most people know I like to do. I get to interact with new people every day, again, something I just love to do. I get to get my sales skills up to par, which will benefit my career in the long run. I know I can promote and "sell" music easily, it's my passion. To be able to learn how to sell things that I don't have a passion for is a great skill to have though. I know there will be a day I will have to sell a band and I won't like a single song or note from them. Like Nickelback. OMG if I had to sell Nickelback (Thank goodness they already have a fan base) I would have to go off the facts, charts, and records they already have. I would have to lie and rave about them like I think they are great. When really, the sound of the band gives me the chills like I just watched a werewolf rip someone to shreds. Yeah...that bad. SO (sidetracked so easily) I want to learn to sell things that are not easy to sell. Like tanning, to people who just paid a pretty penny for a package, and I get to sell them more packages and upgrades. Yeah...great skill to have, and I don't have it perfected yet. I will have every skill and task perfected one day, and that is why I will as successful as I am. Do I go all over the place when I blog? YES. These two part time jobs are keeping me in California, and able to be available when the opportunities are there for me.
I have gotten distracted by music and lyrics and other things of that nature, and now it is late. I'm sorry this blog is so random, filled with rambles and sidetracked thoughts. I cut them all short too...like wham okay I am done...even if I really do have more to talk about. Haha. I guess in a way this particular blog says I am grateful to be single during a season of marketable love, and I feel lucky to have been able to talk and spend time with the people I have recently. The new friends I have made, the people I have been talking to, all make me happy. Happiness is love. SO I celebrated the holiday in a way that suits me. And like every other blog this year, I was reminded of the things that got me here. Good or bad. Happy or sad. Love or pain. All of it. Thank you. I say thank you for all of it.
Dang...one day I will get a more simply blog out I promise. Maybe this way I am keeping people from reading them, being so confusing and all over the place like I am.
Okay okay loves loves Happy Valentine's Day. Don't forget to show your love to those who matter for the 364 days till the next one.
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